Monday, April 9, 2012


Today I experienced a eye opening, mind blowing revelation. Yesterday was the start of another migraine that flowed into today. Work could wait today, so I stayed home to recoup, which involved about 4 more hours of sleep, acetaminophen, and my daily beta-blocker. After the pain subsided, slowly life started to move through my body enough to turn on the T.V. After watching pretty much nothing, I looked at the On Demand options and found "Bones". Recently, I've been watching old episodes of Bones on Netflix during my treadmill sessions. The On Demand episode was the birth of Booth and Bone's baby. I had to watch (because I'm obsessed with having another child). It was a good episode, not one of the best, but good. The one line that struck me was when Bones, holding their newborn, looked up at Booth and says, "We're a family." I bawled my eyes out. That one little line struck such a chord in my mentally exhausted brain. Have I ever referred to my husband and my daughter as my family? I felt so ashamed of my selfishness. Have I ever thought of us being a complete family because we only had one child instead of the 2 or more I would have loved to have?

This past September I had another miscarriage. This time was tough for me to grasp because my husband and I agreed (prior to this pregnancy) that if I were to get pregnant again, it would be our last try. The pregnancy happened with the help of Clomid. At 6 weeks I had some bleeding and went in for an ultrasound. There were two sacs, one empty and the other with a teeny, tiny heartbeat. Is it true?! We have a heartbeat?! The last heartbeat we saw was our beautiful daughter's 6 years earlier. Things started progressing. I went back in at 8 weeks, the empty sac hadn't changed but the embryo was starting to take shape. The doctor was very happy with the progress and gave me a less than 5% chance of loss. At 9 weeks, I started to have some bleeding again, so another ultrasound was taken. The baby was fine. We saw arm buds and they were waving to us. A small blood clot was found near my cervix. I was told this wasn't a big concern but they wanted to see me back weekly until the clot either dislodged and eliminated or dissolved. I went back in at 10 weeks.

It was my daughter's first day of Kindergarten. My little girl was so grown-up. She smiled the whole time. She marched on the bus and into her classroom. I was so proud of her. In the afternoon, I was supposed to be happy, see her sibling waving back at me again. Sadly, that did not happen. The ultrasound tech was very quiet. She couldn't find a heartbeat. The baby stopped growing at 9 weeks. Heartbreaking. Heart-wrenching. Complete sadness. I felt like a failure... again.

Why do I keep torturing myself with this need to have another child? Am I afraid my daughter is going to be sticking out like a sore-thumb because she plays differently with friends that have siblings? She's not used to sharing. She doesn't know how to take turns. She doesn't know what it's like to have a sibling squabble and win or lose. I love the fact that we get more time with her but I wish she had someone closer in age that she could share her secrets, play dolls, dress-up, Legos. I wish she could have little kid dreams and little kid adventures. Because she has only her parents to spend time with, she doesn't get that time to be free. She's a wonderful child, why do I feel as if I let her down? Or is it me that I'm letting down? Or my husband? Ugh! Such and emotional day! It's a good thing I didn't go to work today.

On to bigger and better things. I'm working on starting my own business here soon. When all the details are finalized, I'll post the exciting info.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Happy Holidays!

I hope all is well with others in the world. Life is pretty good here, even though I still don't have a job. Last week I was scheduled to have an interview with the local university for an Administrative Clerk position but it was canceled due to the weather (the university closed). The following day, the university made an announcement that they were instituting a hiring freeze effective immediately. Got the dreaded call, "Sorry, we've decided not to hire at this time." Well, I hope I can hold out for this hiring freeze because I would LOVE to have this job. Of all the jobs I've applied for, this is the one that interests me the most, the hours are great (7a to 3 p), it's not far from home, the benefits (drool...), also the department sounds very interesting.

Well, in the mean time, I have been able to get my sewing room back in order and do a few small projects. Halloween came around and my daughter and I decided that she would make a great Alice In Wonderland. I love sewing under pressure so I finished her dress about 1/2 hour before we went out. She looked so cute.

My daughter loves to color. Every time we went out to eat we end up bringing a tote bag with her big pencil box full of crayons with coloring books. Needless to say, the table is over-run by her "stuff". I found a pattern on Electric Quilt's website called the "Ellie's on-the-go Art Tote" and thought it would be perfect for her. After a few adjustments, here's the end result.

I can't wait till she opens it for Christmas!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Wow... craziness

Life has been crazy. Well, I had my sewing room about 75% set the way I wanted it, starting to put things in their place. In the middle of May our dishwasher decided to malfunction and leaked water under the floor in the kitchen and down into my sewing room. GASP! Luckily it wasn't too much damage to my room and insurance is paying for the fixes. But, in order for the room to be fixed, everything has to be moved out. UGH! So, for the last month, my whole room has been moved to the downstairs family room. The flooring we've ordered is on back order so those two rooms are still out of commission.

We have laminate floor in the kitchen and dining room, as well as the stairwell landing and downstairs hallway. Insurance is paying for the kitchen and dining room to be replaced, so we've decided to get all the laminate replaced. I'm so excited! We choose something called palmwood ( It's made up of old palm trees that are no longer baring coconuts. Instead of burning the trees to get rid of them, they are shredding them and making a composite type flooring. Trying our part to "green" up our house.

Speaking of going "green", I've been really focused on changing some of our cleaning products and even personal hygiene products to be more "green"/natural/organic. I've attempted in making my own laundry detergent with much success! I can't believe how easy it is and cheap too! There are many different recipes out there you can Google.

The recipe I use is:
* 1 bar of Fels Naptha laundry soap grated (either use food processor or cheese grater)
* 1 cup Borax
* 1 cup washing soda (e.g., Arm & Hammer washing soda - baking soda works okay but not as effective)

Mix all ingredients together in food processor. Put into a container and you're all set! Use 1 tablespoon per load. I also use 1/2 cup vinegar in my fabric softener dispenser instead of liquid fabric softener (or using the sheets in the dryer). You do not smell the vinegar on the clothes once they are dried.

ETA: I recently came across information that Fels Naptha has ingredients from petroleum products. I will be researching other, more natural soaps to use.

One of my problems with going "green" is that many of the personal cleaning products out there contain coconut oils. As many of you know from reading my previous blog postings, my daughter has peanut and tree nut allergies. At this time, coconut is not considered part of the tree nut family according to FAAN; however, my daughter does have an allergic reaction to this. Fortunately for us, it's not anaphylactic, "only" mild hives and itching. I did find a soap for my daughter from a brand called Kiss My Face that is olive oil and aloe that seems to be treating her skin well.

Last but not least, I lost my job. Yup, that sucked. However, I'm now happier than I have been in the last year. No more tension headaches. Yeah! Now I'm on to bigger and better things. We're in a good place financially so staying home is not quite out of the picture, but I am still looking for full or part time work. In the meantime, this leaves me time to create! So, I'm laying out all my options and see what I can come up with as far as crafty things. I might even open an Etsy store. That might be a little ways down the road but keep your fingers crossed for me!

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Before Picture

Here you go! You get to see my messy office. "I'm an Organizing Junkie" is having a 28 day organizing challenge on any room in your home. My goal is to tackle that crazy office I've been avoiding since we moved in 3 years ago. It's not only my office but my quilting/sewing space. As you can tell, I haven't gotten many quilts done recently. Hummm... I wonder why... Wish me luck!

Saturday, January 30, 2010

D & C Follow-up

On Tuesday I went for my 2 week D & C follow-up. The Dr had some results already but is still waiting for a little more for conformation. However, what he did tell me is that it looks like the miscarriage was not caused by my blood clotting, nor was it a genetic problem passed on from my husband or myself. There were abnormal genes though. Apparently I had what is called a "partial molar" pregnancy. This link from the Cleveland Clinic explains it pretty well.

Because of the type of pregnancy it was and the concern with cancer associated with it (curable I'm told), I have to be monitored for 6 months and we cannot get pregnant during that time either. That really sucks. While I was there, they took the first blood test. If the results come back at zero, I don't have to go back for a month. If it's raised above zero, I have to go back in 2 weeks. Well, it was 46. That means that there is still more tissue in there. Yuck.

In the mean time, I've been cleaning my office/sewing room. One of my quilt friends is collecting fabric and sewing machines for a group of immigrants (I forget where they are from). I have a couple bins of fabric that I think I'm able to give her. We'll see. I'm still buried under mounds of stuff right now. I'll try posting pics but unfortunately I'm having trouble with Blogger.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Trying to Catch-up on My Life

A dear friend of mine has been bugging me about writing in my blog. I didn't realize how long it's been. Well, let's get this started.

In May, my husband and I went to Hawaii. Don't get too excited, we had to work. We had a trade show to work for 4 days, so we only were able to take 2 extra days for vacation. If it wasn't for the company paying for our travel, lodging and food for 4 days, we probably wouldn't have gone for about another 10 years. It's so expensive for us. What we did see was beautiful. One of our favorite parts of the trip was taking a sea plane tour of the island. It was amazing to look to one side of the plane and see mountains and then ocean on the other side. It's just a gorgeous place. We were on the island of Oahu in Honolulu. If we had more time, we would have loved to explore more and other islands. We also did a luau but it was not on the beach (which it seems as everyone else has done one on the beach) but on a roof top. It was neat. The food however, was not quite right. LOL! We're not seafood folk so many of the items weren't on our plates. Along with some pork, we did take some rice that had some veggies however after a couple bites, I noticed tentacles. YUCK! I was done eating after that. As a souvenir, we bought a pineapple. It was one of the best pineapples I had ever eaten. We did a search online and found a site that showed how to grow a pineapple plant from the top of the pineapple. We don't plan on growing pineapples but just to have the plant as a memory is nice. We have a nice green planted pineapple top sitting in our dining room now.

In July, Hubby had another conference, this time in Boston. We decided to make it a family trip and brought our daughter along too. This was a short weekend excursion for us. The highlight of this trip was whale watching. It was the most moving experience to be that close to such a magnificent animal. We were on a New England Aquarium Whale Watch, here's a link to our actual outing...

In the fall we decided to change our daughter's preschool. It was a hard decision to make but well worth it in the end. She has grown so much since we switch schools. She started writing her name at the new school, which really shocked me. She was a little over 3 1/2 and she was already writing her name. She is spelling out many words that she sees and even trying to sound words out. The school is much smaller than her previous school so there is more focused attention. I think this is fantastic! Now, don't get me wrong, I am not pushing her by any means to do any of this, she wants to learn all by herself. I just go along with the flow. Her little mind keeps me in awe. Yesterday she turned 4. I can't believe my baby is 4 already! She will be in Kindergarten before we know it. Wow.

Thanksgiving was very nice. My grandparents came along with my parents and brother. It was nice to have all of that family around. My grandmother cracks me up. She is a very dramatic person and I love everything about it! LOL! We had them playing the Wii and laughed the whole time. I hope I'm that active when I'm in my 80's.

About a week after Thanksgiving, I found out I was pregnant. Yeah! I started taking my Lovenox shots faithfully every night. The OB had my blood levels checked to make sure everything was progressing as it should. At the end of December, we went in for my ultrasound. We actually saw everything that we were supposed to this time, the only thing we didn't see was a heartbeat. :( The doctor decided to wait one more week and do another ultrasound. When we went back, the fetus didn't grow and there still wasn't a heartbeat. The doctor took another blood sample just to make sure and saw that my levels were high enough that there should have been a heartbeat. Two days later I had a D & C. I go back in a week for a follow-up. I'm not sure what to do now. Do we keep trying for another baby? I told my husband that I think I can do this one more time but after that, I'm done. It just hurts too much. We'll just sit back and see what happens.

Looking forward to this year. I will be going on the quilt retreat again this year with one of my guilds. A week later, we will be taking my parents to Niagara Falls for a mini vacation. Other than that, nothing else is planned.

My goals for the year:
  1. Organize my sewing room / office
  2. Organize my family room utilizing the new cabinets my parents built and the shelves that I built
  3. Finish 3 quilts
  4. Work on a having a healthier life style by eating right and working out
  5. (this one's a wish) To have another baby just as wonderful as our daughter
I don't believe these are too difficult. Let's see where this year leads us.

Happy New Year everyone! I hope you have many wonderful experiences.


Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Memory Makers Retreat, 2009

At the beginning of April, one of my quilt groups went on a retreat to Amish country. We met for lunch at The Amish Door restaurant in Wilmot, OH. Later, we traveled to Gramma Fannie's Quilt Barn in Berlin, as well as Helping Hands.

I've been wanting to do a 30's quilt for a while and found a really cute bundle at Helping Hands Quilt Shop. Originally I didn't know what I wanted to make with the bundle. I picked up a Turning Twenty booklet and thought about making my 30's quilt with that. Then I really started thinking. The last quilt my great grandmother was working on before she died was a Dresden Plate. Since in May I will be going on a long trip, that would be a perfect hand quilting project. Now I have a plan! Back to shopping!

We also went to Miller's Dry Goods in Charm. Finally, we made it to our retreat location, the Charm Country View Inn. What a beautiful location. Set in the rolling hills of Amish country. We all unloaded our vehicles and set up shop. I think we had the max of people (about 23) that could go because we were packed in like sardines, but we all had enough space to get our projects completed. Since this was my first retreat, I made the newbie mistake of being hopeful about how many projects to bring. I brought a large tub of about 5 projects, with some smaller knick knack type projects too. Way too advanturous. I did get one top completed.

The only thing that I didn't like about the whole trip was that I didn't have cell phone reception. I had to borrow someone else's phone. On my way back home, about 1/2 hour into the ride, I finally got into cell phone range. I could tell because my voicemail and texts were coming in like crazy. LOL! I wish I could keep a couple of the voicemails that my daughter left me, so sweet! All in all, for my first retreat, it was great! I hope that I will be able to make future retreats.